There’s a Meadow
There’s a meadow beyond the back pasture
of my grandpa’s old farm, and when I was a city
kid, it scared me—that vast openness brimming
with nothing but wildflowers, insects, and birds.
Grandpa often took me there to read and think.
The reading I didn’t mind, but I had no idea what
to think. “Relax your mind, Jenny Bell,” he’d say.
And so we’d lie there on his red-checkered blanket,
staring at the endless expanse of sky, making shapes
out of the cottony clouds, pieces of grass between
our teeth. The hum of insects would make me drowsy,
but I’d stay awake. Grandpa would eventually tell me
his thoughts, mostly about how to invent new tractors
or what to name the new calves that were nearly born.
One time, I surprised myself by telling him about middle
school and how I didn’t like Harvey Winters because he
stuck gum on people’s seats and made fun of the freckles
on my nose. “Why do you suppose he does that?” Grandpa
asked. That’s where all the thinking came in—"I suppose
it’s because his mama is dead, and he doesn’t have a good
daddy,” I said. Grandpa made an umm hmm noise, but didn’t
add anything. He let me think some more. Over the years,
Grandpa and I shared lots of thinking time, and nearly every
one ended with—why do you suppose. Grandpa died when
I was twenty-three, right after I graduated with a psychology
degree. But every now and then, I leave my office and return
to the farm. I lie down in that back meadow, a blade of grass
between my teeth, and I talk to Grandpa just like I used to.
When I’m puzzling things out in life, I hear his voice,
Why do you suppose? And I find my answers floating among
clouds shaped like lions while a butterfly rests on my chest.
Arvilla Fee teaches English Composition for Clark State College and is the managing editor for the San Antonio Review. She has published poetry, photography, and short stories in numerous presses, including Contemporary Haibun Online, Calliope, North of Oxford, Rat’s Ass Review, Mudlark, and many others. Her poetry books, The Human Side and This is Life, are available on Amazon. For Arvilla, writing produces the greatest joy when it connects us to each other. To learn more about her work, you can visit her website: https://soulpoetry7.com/