Weakness
Viv Albertine suggests, in retrospect,
that ‘it’s a weakness to want to be adored’,
and she’s probably right, but I’m trying
to square it with Jean Vanier’s short piece
about ‘how to lose power’. Immersing
himself in the daily life of the disadvantaged
and disabled, he no longer has to pretend
that he’s better than others. I wonder
if wanting to be loved or adored isn’t
natural, but maybe by not worrying about it
and simply loving others – in practice, not
as an emotional or theological idea –
we end up being loved ourselves. Perhaps
not by those we desire or lust or admire,
but by other human beings who suffer
the same pains and heartaches and worry
as we do, only worse. This all looks pious
set down here, it is perhaps pretentious
to quote post-punk queen and preacher
side-by-side, but it seems applicable
to my world. It might mean neighbours
and students, the elderly of the village
and friends of friends I don’t like,
but that’s the point. I don’t want
to be a saint or famous poet anyway.
© Rupert M Loydell
Rupert Loydell is a writer, editor and abstract artist. His many books of poetry include Dear Mary (Shearsman, 2017) and The Return of the Man Who Has Everything (Shearsman 2015); and he has edited anthologies such as Yesterday’s Music Today (co-edited with Mike Ferguson, Knives Forks and Spoons Press 2014), and Troubles Swapped for Something Fresh: manifestos and unmanifestos (Salt, 2010).