In the Fairweather Mountains, Three Ways to Say Farewell
–Glacier Bay National Park, Alaska
-1-
Bundled against the cold dawn, I stand on the ship’s weather deck and consider the bay’s water—at this moment frictionless, opaque, vast. Who could look into this turquoise magnet and not think of jumping? I could grip the deck's chest-high rail and toe the lowest one, the soles of my shoes slipping a bit on the wet shine. I could convince myself it’s a stepladder, you’re only hanging curtains or changing a lightbulb, then climb—one, two, three rungs—swing a leg over the top, in my ears my pulse a thump thump thump of pain and shame and hope. Both legs over now, I would clutch the rail and offer a litany of sorrows. Failures. Apologies to my loves. I flex my knees, consider the physics. I don’t want to simply let go. I must push myself away, arc as far from the ship as my booted, parka-clad body can manage. Point my toes. Think smooth. Oneness. Gratitude. Pray the shock of cold would take my consciousness before the icy teal reached my lungs. They say a person can survive seven minutes in these waters. Once, I wanted to know how they know that. Now I think it wouldn’t take that long. If ever the cancer or chemo or pain; if ever my trembling became too much. I’d book a cruise to Alaska and never come back.
-2-
The park rangers come to us before breakfast, in a little boat that bumps against our mammoth one, through fog and frigid waters, the wind roughing their lips and cheeks. They climb aboard on a rope ladder. We are snug in our cabins and do not see. But soon we hear them, stationed around the ship, on its public address, telling us about the bay, the mountains, the glaciers. From our balcony I think I recognize: a lumbering boulder of brown bear on the shore, sea lions sunning shoulder to shoulder like tourists on a crowded beach, a distant humpback whale. When the sun comes out, I cry for the beauty—gray mountains and rocks, a sparkling azure sky, white and aqua ice, otters swimming near the ship, one hitchhiking on a chunk of ice. Later, we gather on the bow to eat pea soup, and even the crew comes out to blink at the brilliance—so rare, they say. I think I am learning: glacial silt, phytoplankton, privilege. But when the ship comes close to the glacier and I hear it rumble and calve, mighty pieces of itself crashing to the water, I finally understand: ancient, holy, separation. Earth, the great maternal beast.
-3-
One of the park rangers says her mom is none too fond of the process, so when it’s time for them to disembark the ship, I am there, representing worried mothers everywhere. On the blustery starboard promenade a few of us gather to watch a small boat, slightly more substantial than a piece of driftwood, motor closer and closer, matching the ship’s speed, until it bumps the hull and steadies enough to tether. A controlled crash, the ranger explained earlier. After several attempts, each of which could be a James Bond action scene, the boat is secure—a relative term. Now, far below us, the rangers one by one descend a rope ladder from the ship’s yawning cargo door. For breathless moments they disappear, then reappear and pause on the lowest rung. There each one dangles, a human windchime, watching the boat below thrash and pitch, waiting for the right moment to drop to its drenched deck. I’m gratified to see their footwear seems sturdy and skid resistant, yet I wince when each lets go. But then they are safe, looking up at us, waving, smiling, victorious. After six rangers, identically clad in orange rain suits, are accounted for, unseen hands toss down duffel after duffel—park merchandise, educational materials, the gear one needs in the Alaskan wilderness. Finally the boat breaks away from the ship and cuts across the bay. Our small group lets out a cheer worthy of the World Series, or better yet, a local Little League game. And the rangers wave, and we wave, and it is a triumph of planning and procedures and the prayers of mothers everywhere, to see them safely become a little dot on the horizon. To know that to someone else they are growing larger. They are coming home.
Kory Wells nurtures connection and community through writing, storytelling, and arts initiatives in and beyond the American South. She is author of two poetry collections, most recently Sugar Fix from Terrapin Books. Her writing has been featured on The Slowdown podcast from American Public Media, won Blue Earth Review’s 2023 Flash Creative Nonfiction Contest, and appears in numerous publications. A former poet laureate of Murfreesboro, Tennessee, she directs a local reading and open mic series and works with the from-home creative writing program MTSU Write.